Teen Dating Violence... It's a thing!
Today I had the pleasure and honor of participating at the Momentum: Men Making Our Relationships Excellent Conference in the DMV area. This event with over 450 attendees, focused on opening a dialogue between men and young males about promoting healthy relationships, de-escalation techniques, social media etiquette, fatherhood, identifying a child in crisis, types of domestic violence and more. My discussion was about teen dating violence and although I spoke primarily to young men, I will make this a gender neutral. I only had a few mins so I did my best to try to consolidate the facts and make this hard topic to talk about, easy to listen to and more importantly, understand.
There are five types of teen dating violence; physical (hurt or tries to hurt by hitting, kicking, or using another type of physical), sexual (forcing or attempting to force sex, sexual touching, sexting), psychological (use of verbal and non-verbal communication with intent to harm mentally/emotionally to gain control over a person), stalking (repeated unwanted attention/contact by someone that causes fear or concern for safety) and in more recent years, electronically. That’s your sexting, texting, FB, IG, Twitter, etc. Let’s talk numbers. Statistically, according to the CDC (Center for Disease Control) approximately 1.5 million teens, that’s ages 12-18, experience dating violence. 1 in 11 females and 1 in 15 males. Of this, a third, that’s 33% will never tell anyone about it. And these numbers are even higher in the LGBTQ+ communities. Parents can you imagine not knowing that your child is hurting in any capacity? 81% of parents don’t believe that teen dating violence is even an issue. 82% believe they can recognize the signs if their child was experiencing abuse. But guess what? 58% of those parents couldn’t correctly identify the warning signs. So, to my teens, I know you will get a kick out of me saying this, but parents, you really don’t know it all… and that’s ok. That’s why we are all here, including myself, which is to learn and become open to learning.
Let’s remedy this. Young people, I want to encourage you to talk to your parents. Especially young men. It is ok to express how you feel. That does not make you less than, chump, wimp or whatever. It is actually healthy for you to be able to express yourself in a positive light. Parents I want to encourage you to ACTIVELY listen when your teens speak. Sometimes, often times, it is hard for children/teens to articulate what they are trying to convey but still listen to them. We as parents/mentors/guardians want to teach safe and healthy relationships skills and create protective environments. More importantly, we want to support their feelings. We all come various socioeconomic backgrounds and together, with the vast differences, collectively, we can make a change.
Lastly, there are tons of apps and social platforms that can assist if you don’t quite know how to navigate the conversation. Look them up and chose what works best for you. Always tell someone if you or someone you know is experiencing TDV. Even if you are unsure, trust what your gut is saying and/or ask someone “ hey is this TDV”? No question is a stupid or shameful question. And know, that you can’t heal in an environment that is making or has made you sick.
